Been MIA - last post was Nov 25 yikes!

A lot has happened since Nov 25, which kept me away from sitting down to write.  I've been struggling to keep everything balanced - the point of this blog (though it may not always seem like it).  I started this blog with the intention of helping myself, and thought that maybe someone out there could relate and know someone else is going through it too. 

I have many thoughts that run through my head - constantly.  I've learnt (the hard way) that everyone has their limits.  And I don't mean that in a bad way, there's only so much one person can do.  I've learnt over the years that I hold onto stuff for too long, that I feel guilty about everything that doesn't go right, and that I blame myself without looking at the circumstances.  I've weighed myself down with burdens, real and perceived.  I've tried to control things that weren't in my control.  I am slowly letting go of that negative thinking - slowly, but I'm getting there.

However, this past week and a half really tested me and my way of thinking.  On Saturday, Nov 27, I had a PartyLite Party for one of my friends.  I had been looking forward to it all month!  She and I had worked at the place that my husband still works at.  But before the party, she told me that a former coworker of my husband's had been killed in a car crash the day before.  I was shocked.  I didn't know him, but he had worked with my husband as well as my friend.  On Sunday, Nov 28, I was a vendor at my very first trade show and had a lot of fun!  A couple bumps in the road but I'll be more prepared next time.  I was just about to walk in the door from being on my feet for almost 8 hours, when my husband sent me a message saying that his aunt had just passed away.  We knew she didn't have much time left as the cancer on her spine had spread.  I never had the chance to meet her, as she lived on the other side of the country in New Brunswick, but she did send us something when we got married and Christmas cards. 

It was hard the next couple of days (still is).  I had homework to do but couldn't concentrate on.  I couldn't focus on deadlines, forgot an appointment, and just wasn't very productive in a time when I needed to be (I have 2 days of classes left before final exams - eeks!).  I've spent A LOT of time on Facebook to distract myself.  I've experienced a roller coaster of emotions - excitement, grief, panic, guilt.  My husband has been busy working, and has shown some emotion but not a lot.  Me?  I wear my emotions on my sleeve.  Him?  Not so much.  That's the way he is, plus I know he doesn't want to add to my worries.  But I will be there if and when he needs me.

I know I'm lucky to have married a guy like him.  He's willing to take the weight of the world off my shoulders and put it on his.  And I'm grateful for all that he does for me.  But part of me thinks we should share the load.

Okay, I've rambled on long enough for now.  Thanks for listening and letting me vent.

All Over the Place!

If it seems like my posts are all over the place, that's because my mind's all over the place!  2 1/2 weeks left of school - 2 research papers, a case analysis, and a stats lab exam!  Not sure how I'm going to pull this off but hopefully I will.  Then final exams; but at least I have 5 days from the last day of class to my first final.  I'll need the break and the time to brush up.

School is my #1 priority, but not my only priority.  I have plenty going on with my PartyLite!  I found during this semester going to school and working part-time was just too much.  So after plenty of discussion with my husband, Craig, we decided it was better for me to drop the part-time job.  And I love that he was willing to pick up the financial slack by working every chance he got, even though he's still rehabbing that fractured left elbow (poor guy)!  However, my guilt complex kicks in.  So I've also been focusing on my PartyLite business!  I have a home party next Saturday and a trade show the next day!  I'm looking forward to it, but am having trouble balancing school and PartyLite.  So I've made the decision that I will take the weekends off from promoting on my FB PartyLite page - we'll see if I can stick to that!  Lol!  And maybe Wednesdays....I still want to be able to connect with my fans but not the expense of my schoolwork and my sanity!

Thanks for sticking by me!

Time to Reconnect!

Wow!  I didn't realize it's been a week since I last posted!  So I thought it's about time to reconnect - on more than one front.  I hope you're doing well, and have at least started Christmas shopping since it's just around the corner!  But let's not have that overshadow the day that is Thursday, Remembrance Day.  Remember to wear a poppy in remembrance of those who have fought for our freedom.

Okay, so I did say I needed to reconnect on more than one front.  The most important person I need to reconnect with is my husband, Craig.  It's been over a month since we've spent any quality time together.  Between me trying to catch up at school and Craig working full-time AND part-time for the past month didn't leave us much time.  While I'm grateful that I have such a great husband who was willing to work at the part-time job everyday he was off from his full-time job just to take the financial burden off of me, it put a bit of a strain on our marriage.  It got to the point to where the only way we would find out what was going out with each other was Facebook!  Or through my mom (she gives Craig a ride to work when he works at 6 am - buses don't run early enough).

I'm still overwhelmed by school, but at least I'll have my husband back - well starting Wednesday that is!  Ahhh, it'll be nice to have some sense of normalcy again.

A Fish Out of Water!

Here I am, in my 4th and final year of university, and yet I still feel like the new kid.  Granted, this is my 2nd semester back after a 7-year break but still....I feel like I'm always one step behind.  At least my midterms are over (for now, I still have one more in November).

I don't know how other mature students feel, I just know how I feel.  Like when the professor says "You should've learned about ______ in your previous course" and everyone around me nods their head while I look like a deer caught in the headlights.  I try to think back but when your prerequisites are at least 7 years old, it's hard to remember unless you've actually used it.

And there's a few people who recognize me from last semester, but none of them are in my classes now.  It's a bit lonely (if you didn't know, I'm a bit shy when it comes to new people).  That's a big difference from when I was at Grant MacEwan the first time and now.  Then again, at that time I was in a 2-year diploma program where I spent most of my classes with the same people.  I guess that's one difference between college and university?

At least I only have 6 1/2 months more to survive to finally finish my degree that I started way back in 2000 (I hope).  Wow, that's a long time ago!

Balancing is Harder than I Thought!

I thought with the long weekend that I would be able to catch up on things, mainly school.  I was wrong! 

Friday night, I attended a surprise 70th birthday party for my godmother.  Craig was working, so I went with my mom.  It was fun, with the games they played, etc.  But my goodness was there a lot of kids running around.  And that led to the first question most people asked - "Any kids yet?" ("No, not yet.")  "Where's your husband?" ("Working") was the 2nd question.  Funny how that works out.  The response to the "No kids yet" was split into either:  "Why not?" or "That's good.  You're still young."  I prefer the latter, because it doesn't require a long explanation from me.

I had to get up early on Saturday for an appointment, but as soon as that was over, I headed back to bed and slept til noon.  I didn't do much on Saturday, other than relaxed and watch TV.  Even though I knew we had Thanksgiving dinner with the in-laws on Sunday, it was at 4 pm so I thought I'll just study beforehand.

Well, Sunday didn't quite go as planned.  I slept in til noon (I love sleeping in!  The day should start at noon or 1 anyway.)  That gave me 4 hours til we headed to the in-laws.  I thought that still gives me time - wrong!  My mom wanted me to run errands with her and we didn't get home until around 3.  And even though I slept til noon, I was tired when we got home so I headed to bed until we had to leave.  Thanksgiving dinner was good, and we had a good time with the in-laws.
I slept in again on Monday, and put studying off until after Thanksgiving dinner with my family.  Talk about procrastinating!  And yes, I know it's better to study here and there instead of trying to cram the night before but that's just the way it turned out.  I spent 4 1/2 hours just studying for this morning's midterm - which wasn't all that hard - and still didn't cover all the material on the exam.  I woke up early today (only because Craig had work at 9; my midterm was at 9:30) and quickly skimmed over the remaining material.

Needless to say, I didn't accomplish anywhere near what I wanted to accomplish on the long weekend.  I know my priorities, but it just hasn't been working out.  You think by now, I would have school figured out but it's different this time around.  Last time, Craig and I were dating.  Now, we're married and the decisions we make have more of an impact.  I'm just glad he's been so supportive and realizes that a part-time job is a little too much for me to take on (even though it would help financially).  I'm still technically employed but I haven't had any hours for the last couple weeks.  Things could be a lot worse.  Slowly, I'm finding out what my limitations are - I wish I could do it all though.

Yikes! A Midterm Already!

I was just checking what was scheduled for this week at school, and my first midterm's on Wednesday!  Already?!?!  It's only been a month!  And I've missed the majority of September with health issues =(

Stats, always coming back to haunt me....Guess I will be cramming from now until Wednesday and hope for the best.  Good thing I'm not scheduled at my part-time job - not to my knowledge anyway.