Been MIA - last post was Nov 25 yikes!

A lot has happened since Nov 25, which kept me away from sitting down to write.  I've been struggling to keep everything balanced - the point of this blog (though it may not always seem like it).  I started this blog with the intention of helping myself, and thought that maybe someone out there could relate and know someone else is going through it too. 

I have many thoughts that run through my head - constantly.  I've learnt (the hard way) that everyone has their limits.  And I don't mean that in a bad way, there's only so much one person can do.  I've learnt over the years that I hold onto stuff for too long, that I feel guilty about everything that doesn't go right, and that I blame myself without looking at the circumstances.  I've weighed myself down with burdens, real and perceived.  I've tried to control things that weren't in my control.  I am slowly letting go of that negative thinking - slowly, but I'm getting there.

However, this past week and a half really tested me and my way of thinking.  On Saturday, Nov 27, I had a PartyLite Party for one of my friends.  I had been looking forward to it all month!  She and I had worked at the place that my husband still works at.  But before the party, she told me that a former coworker of my husband's had been killed in a car crash the day before.  I was shocked.  I didn't know him, but he had worked with my husband as well as my friend.  On Sunday, Nov 28, I was a vendor at my very first trade show and had a lot of fun!  A couple bumps in the road but I'll be more prepared next time.  I was just about to walk in the door from being on my feet for almost 8 hours, when my husband sent me a message saying that his aunt had just passed away.  We knew she didn't have much time left as the cancer on her spine had spread.  I never had the chance to meet her, as she lived on the other side of the country in New Brunswick, but she did send us something when we got married and Christmas cards. 

It was hard the next couple of days (still is).  I had homework to do but couldn't concentrate on.  I couldn't focus on deadlines, forgot an appointment, and just wasn't very productive in a time when I needed to be (I have 2 days of classes left before final exams - eeks!).  I've spent A LOT of time on Facebook to distract myself.  I've experienced a roller coaster of emotions - excitement, grief, panic, guilt.  My husband has been busy working, and has shown some emotion but not a lot.  Me?  I wear my emotions on my sleeve.  Him?  Not so much.  That's the way he is, plus I know he doesn't want to add to my worries.  But I will be there if and when he needs me.

I know I'm lucky to have married a guy like him.  He's willing to take the weight of the world off my shoulders and put it on his.  And I'm grateful for all that he does for me.  But part of me thinks we should share the load.

Okay, I've rambled on long enough for now.  Thanks for listening and letting me vent.